Laws of Nature according to a lawyer
My sister loves to spin theories and tell stories (this is a polite way of putting it! And we’re polite on my blog) so it’s all her fault. Here’s the result of her latest one about the laws of nature and lawyers. And also some IM’ing between us.
These are emails between, Chennette (my sister), Jessica (her neighbour) and J’s dad. My sister’s a lawyer and so is J’s dad.
The Theory
Jessica sent this to her dad:
From: Jessica
Sent: Monday, April 19, 2004 2:40 PM
To: Dad
Subject: just a thought[Chennette] (also an attorney) suggested this: all lawyers should be responsible for knowing the Laws of Nature. You know, just in case it comes up.
To which her father replied:
From: Dad
To: Jessica
Subject: RE: just a thought
Date: Mon, 19 Apr 2004 15:48:52 -0700I know where to find the [our state] statutes, but where do you find the laws of nature? And, is possession 9/10ths of the laws of nature, and if so, what is the other 1/10th?
And, Jessica, little pot-stirrer that she is forwarded the above communications to Chennette:
From: Jessica
To: [Chennette]
Sent: Monday, April 19, 2004 11:51 PM
Subject: FW: RE: just a thoughtJust thought I would send you his thoughts. Enjoy
Thus taxing my sister to come up with a response:
From: [Chennette]
To: Jessica
Subject: Re: RE: just a thought
Date: Tue, 20 Apr 2004 00:07:07 +0100Exactly my point…the whole reason lawyers should know the laws of nature is to question them closely and if possible disprove them. Why not disprove them based on logic and ignore science? Science is just made up as people go along anyway. Who takes the authority of an apple falling as proof??? What kind of evidence is that?!? Real laws are passed on from generation to generation, and when they are changed there are reams of paper to prove the change, not just one piddling mathematical equation that no one can understand anyway.
For obvious reasons, I will not be forwarding this opinion to MY family, as they seem to think science is real.
The flaw in my theory is of course, if lawyers were to disprove gravity, then everyone should be able to fly automatically. But as long as I get my judgment and fees, what do I care how it affects the world?
[Chennette]
(being attacked by the Win98 blue screen of death adn ready to scream if the page i was re-working for hte last half hour does nto appear)
And of course, Jessica forwarded this to her father (Have these people never heard of CC and BCC???? Lawyers and historians!!):
From: Jessica
Sent: Monday, April 19, 2004 4:35 PM
To: Dad
Subject: FW: Re: RE: just a thoughtThis is [Chennette]‘s response. What do you think?
And Jessica’s Dad responded:
From: Dad
To: Jessica
Subject: RE: Re: RE: just a thought
Date: Mon, 19 Apr 2004 16:56:37 -0700Without gravity you couldn’t get a client to your office or to court–hence no fee. Thus gravity is good
After which Jessica forwared thie above response to Chennette.
I got this forward from my sister after I started trying to convince her to blog…or guest blog or at least to post her stories or use that nifty domain name she got as a gift before the donor get vexed. And I didn’t correct her typos (I’ve got her trained not to correct them in chat..it’s only me! And we’re both sleepy!). Feel free to correct mine!
Chennette: for my demented person writings
Lily: and for ur blog!!! :-p
Chennette: oyu know, like the stalker thing
Chennette: there are alwyas crazy first person short things/thoughts/rants in my head
Lily: watch it, i’ll put that page on my blog
Lily: or you could guest blog on my page..
Chennette: once i was ranomly talking about lawyers and the laws fo nature
Lily: until u setup yours
Chennette: and jessica sent to her father (big shot lawyer)
Chennette: and i ended up having to reason out something
<snip> (after i’d read the emails)
Lily: oh and thus lawyers will never try to disprove gravity
Chennette: this is cutting into my 3 ours sleep
Chennette: i decided i woul dpick another theory to mess with
Chennette: like hte “atom”
Lily: O LORD
Chennette: no one has ever seen it, so hwat kind of evidence could wepossibly use?
Chennette: but this woul
Chennette: d
Chennette: make a good rant if i fixed it up to one story
Chennette: no eye witnesses
Lily: kill the eye witnesses
Chennette: or opposite and equal reaction
Lily: the atom is dead
Chennette: the problem here is
Chennette: i don’t know enough science to coem p with theories to disprove
Lily: or you could post it if you guest blog
Chennette: and i didn’t expect my rants to be forwarded to a lawyer
Lily: hahaha
Chennette: i could ask for suggestions
Lily: you haven’t trained jessica
Lily: yeah
Lily: jessica like [other sister] nah?
Chennette: she was giving her father somethign to think of besides work
Lily: lol
Chennette: since he appaerntly likes to do these strange things
Lily: like work? he likes to worK?
Chennette: he ahs a lot, he ahs his own big firm
Chennette: ok
Chennette: ah GONE
Lily: salaams
Chennette: STOP MESSAGING ME
Some of us went to sleep!
my typos are terrible
i am supposed to be educated
darn, another skill to brush up on
Comment by Chennette — Tuesday 27th, April 2004 @ 4:51 am
we sleepy and we doing work while we sleepy and iz only me so i doh see the big deal…
if you want me to correct them…i will!
Comment by Lily — Tuesday 27th, April 2004 @ 5:01 am
Has anyone seen the atom??
This is 1993 but anywayz…if you got a better link post it!
And this one is from 1999…and follow ups.
They all say Yes and No. I’ve left all my knowledge by the wayside.
Dad says I shouldn’t be proud of my ignorance…I’m not…I’ve just shelved it away…far far far away…I wish I didn’t know anything anymore.
Comment by Lily — Tuesday 27th, April 2004 @ 6:05 am
You know, disproving gravity and making everything suddenly spring up into the air could be a real boon for personal injury attorneys…
Comment by webjones — Tuesday 27th, April 2004 @ 9:01 am
but wouldn’t people try to sue the attorneys?
Comment by Lily — Tuesday 27th, April 2004 @ 9:10 am
hwat is one kewl word.
Comment by MaThIbUs — Tuesday 27th, April 2004 @ 1:03 pm
this will be perfect procrastination for me instead of
writing my papers or dissertaion. Someone tells me a “law”
of nature and I deal with it legally.
Do you know Jessica thought “Higgly Piggly” was a kid’s story
because of the title. She soon saw her folly. It was just
another crazy story.
Comment by Chennette — Tuesday 27th, April 2004 @ 3:15 pm
@MaThIbUs: hey hey hey! when you IM…do you rush to make sure everything’s right? we’re masters swamped :-p
@Chennettte: someone (Jesse’s Dad) wanted to know if “Laws of Nature are posted in Lexis Nexis, which is where any good lawyer would go to find them”
Comment by Lily — Tuesday 27th, April 2004 @ 4:21 pm
Sadly, my student access to Lexis Nexis has not so far yielded any results for the Laws of Nature. Perhaps it is available in the US version, or in WestLaw, or maybe the Canadians are really progressive and have it on he QuickLaw database.
Comment by Chennette — Tuesday 27th, April 2004 @ 7:48 pm
Honestly. Attorneys NEED suing. They’re the ones who started it all anyway. What’s good for the goose is good for gander.
Comment by webjones — Tuesday 27th, April 2004 @ 11:33 pm
BTW, I hugely enjoyed the IM exchange. Glad I’m not the only highly educated person out there that can’t type worth a crap. And I’ve even got long, and agile fingers.
That reminds me of a funny story. When I went to Taiwan to visit my in-laws for the first time my mother-in-law took me to the temple to have my fortune read. There are several ways to do this, but the person there at the time used palmistry. His first comment upon inspecting the shape of my hands was that they were the kinds of hands that would be comfortable in other people’s pockets – meaning that I would make a good pick-pocket. ;-)
Fortunately I’ve never been inclined to steal.
Comment by webjones — Tuesday 27th, April 2004 @ 11:38 pm
LOL
After I posted this (and got it vetted by my sister) I started to wonder…oh no! Are people going to be like, “oh lord! what’s wrong with her? posting inane IM’s like we want to read it…”
So, are you sure that even though you’ve never been inclined to steal, that you weren’t curious enough to try it out?
You know, for scientific purposes :-p
Comment by Lily — Tuesday 27th, April 2004 @ 11:53 pm
And people give lawyers a bad name…at least we don’t carry around telltale genetic signs of stealing abilities :-) My hands are quite short and stubby enough. Besides, I work for government, no access to people’s pockets, hence my flights of fancy with outrageous suits.
Comment by Chennette — Tuesday 27th, April 2004 @ 11:53 pm
oh, in case anybody wants to see the crazy stalker page…
And hopefully this time, I’ve spelt geocities right!
Comment by Lily — Tuesday 27th, April 2004 @ 11:54 pm
You work for government so you don’t steal???
oh LORD, that is *too* priceless.
You do know there are worse people than lawyers, right?
Comment by Lily — Tuesday 27th, April 2004 @ 11:56 pm
Gah! An attorney AND a bureaucrat!
Comment by webjones — Wednesday 28th, April 2004 @ 9:03 am
Well, technically unemployed student, but attorney/bureaucrat has a nice ring to it.
Comment by Chennette — Wednesday 28th, April 2004 @ 10:58 am
I would posit that students are not unemployed. Studying is your job. And you’ll be well rewarded with a piece of fancy paper that’s worth about a dollar.
Comment by webjones — Wednesday 28th, April 2004 @ 7:55 pm
and which cost her about TT$90,000!!!
*sigh*
Comment by Lily — Wednesday 28th, April 2004 @ 8:20 pm
Well, she IS in the UK. They might put a fancy wax seal with some metallic ribbon on it. That would make it worth a couple of dollars.
Comment by webjones — Thursday 29th, April 2004 @ 12:34 am
what kind of seal do you get in the usa? any?
any ribbons?
i wonder what my paper will look like if i get it
Comment by Lily — Thursday 29th, April 2004 @ 12:37 am
Well, I’ve only got a Bachelor’s degree at present (Bachelor of Fine Arts). It’s a parchment colored standard letter sized document. Nothing special to look at – all black ink and no seals or ribbons of any sort.
But I’m working on a Masters from Virginia Tech right now (all online, even), and I’m hoping that will get me a larger, more impressive document.
My oldest brother has his doctorate in law from Emory University – his diploma is very nice. It has some gold and blue ink and embossing.
Comment by webjones — Thursday 29th, April 2004 @ 9:28 am
ooo!
his does sound pretty!
which reminds me, i think my other sister brought my my undergraduate paper and i hope i didn’t lose it
who knows where it is! :-(
Comment by Lily — Thursday 29th, April 2004 @ 11:37 am
went to a seminar this afternoon, and the guy actually said at one stage “there’s no point in legislating that things should fall up! That’s according the law of gravity.”
It was like he was speaking to me directly…insolence. But I was in my real student mode, so did not take issue. But, i mean….
Comment by Chennette — Thursday 29th, April 2004 @ 3:21 pm
Comment by Lily — Thursday 29th, April 2004 @ 3:25 pm