Lily’s Blog, Dragon Absconded!
Baking Until I Drop

White Velvet Butter Cake , originally uploaded by Lilandra.

I bought Rose Levy Beranbaum‘s The Cake Bible along with a host of books I got recently. I did wonder why I was buying a Cake Book. I was a bit bolstered by the lack of much of them in our shelves but me? cakes? Anywayz, that story is for another day.

I’m here to tell you about the epitome of my cake desires…the jam layer cake.

And before I go any further:

Disclaimer: Today is not my birthday. My birthday does not fall around this day. In fact, August is certainly not my birthday month.

My family doesn’t really celebrate birthdays. (For the record, strict practising muslims, don’t celebrate birthdays at all). Even before we knew this, or tried to keep this, we never had birthday parties. For the most part birthdays were celebrated en famille with cake and ice-cream and no chores for the day. Since I wasn’t into cake (I didn’t think it was anything special), my “cake” was always Lemon Meringue Pie.

In fact, I think quite a lot of my (older) birthdays were spent sleeping. And you may not believe it, but those weren’t even the worst or most depressing of my birthdays.

Despite this, my first birthday memory was of a party. I think I was four. I think it was a birthday party. And I think it was mine. I remember thinking ooo! I’m celebrating my birthday and my cousin is being born. I think that was the most enthralling of my thoughts. Was it a real memory? I don’t know. When I ask mom she says it sounds about right. Where were my parents? At the hospital? But I think I really do remember this. It’s weird, huh?

Anywayz, once when I was older (twelve?), we went by my aunt and there was a birthday party. Details about why only Sister the Elder and I were there are sketchy. I’m not even sure if it was at my aunt’s house or if we went somewhere else from there. But I sort of remember two birthdays…or two birthday cakes all for the birthday girl (my cousin! and if she ever reads this, there’s no hard feelings). I don’t think my aunt was in control of this party…I mean I doubt it because I doubt I would’ve felt like … left out? side-lined? unimportant? I remember there was a cake all covered with a white buttercream (I think? or was it eggwhite frosting?) and m&m’s (or smarties?) stuck all over it as decoration. And I was a bit envious or … if not quite envious, depressed but very polite. There was nothing about it being my birthday. This is why I really think we were at a friend of my cousin’s house…or some of my cousin’s family…and somehow my sister and I were there. And you have to understand, I’m really sensitive. I cry easily. And alienation…well…that’s my good friend. Basically my memories of this are just me being sad, depressed, polite and not saying anything. (Why do people do this? Thankfully the next time this happened I was 21, and the third birthday girl was…10! and although all parties involved were family, I was smart and older and worried about other things).

Of course, my sister knew what was going on with me.
Maybe I said something to her or she saw my face or knew how a (was I about 12??)-year old would feel on her birthday when her little cousin has a birthday cake and birthday gifts and she doesn’t. I mean she would’ve been 17 (if I was 12…hmmm maybe I was younger…she could’ve been 14-16). Of course, maybe she just knew me!

And she promised me to make me a birthday cake.

A layered cake! Which is what I wanted and with jam spread between the layers.

And I was so happy.

She was the greatest sister ever.

I don’t remember the cake precisely. I’m not even sure when the cake was made (our family is all about 11 months after the fact gifts).

But I remember taking out mom’s three layer pans and my sister making a cake. Or that’s all I remember about the cake.

And so, nice jam layered cakes have always been something I want. Something I like. Of course, it helps when the cake is soooooo moist and delicious and paired with guava jam…Yum!

Have a slice of White Velvet Butter Cake , originally uploaded by Lilandra.

Because this is the first cake I made in a long time (not counting Chocolate Heart of Darkness), I posted a whole set on Flickr. Heh.

Addiction is scary.
The closest thing I’ve ever experienced is books and maybe internet addiction.
I could probably think of something else maybe…

But, let me recount the last week or so.
25th July – Made Truffles for Chocolate Hearts of Darkness
26th July – Made Chocolate Hearts of Darkness
30th July – Made White Velvet Butter Cake
31st July – Started making Basic Flaky Pastry for Great Pumpkin Pie
1st August – Made Great Pumpkin Pie with Chennette

And strangely enough during this I wasn’t over tired.
I was tired after watching things bake and waiting for the hot oven to be done and clean up but I wasn’t so tired that I didn’t do it.

Then mom said take a break (because that’s just a snippet … I will recount the previous weeks later…it might be eye-opening for me). So, I said okay! Sunday I will make hot dog bread or white sandwich loaves.

I woke up late on Saturday, barely slept because I felt like a fever or sickness was coming on and Chennette was returning to Guyana that day so I didn’t bother.

Sunday, I offered.
Mom said no.

I decided Monday.

Actually I get some trouble differentiating between Sunday and Monday.

The whole of Sunday (our supposed rest day according to mom) I didn’t do much.
Mom got annoyed with me for not packing/folding clothes or doing anything else. But considering she announced we weren’t going to do anything I took her at her word.

And I had enough trouble not finding myself in the kitchen to start baking.
My fingers were twitching.
Almost any excuse carried me downstairs to make bread.
And I would have to distract myself.

Monday we went up East (?) side for a bit and then came back down.
Plan, pray, relax and start the bread.

Well, I used the washroom, washed my hands, and realized all that driving and who knows what else had me feeling a bit out of sorts and weak. And I didn’t think I could bake. I told mom (who put up a whole wheat bread in the machine). It was the hardest thing for me. I had already taken out the scale, the bowl, the flour. I couldn’t believe those words came out of my mouth. Regardless, I spent most of the weekend (including Monday) sleeping.

So last night I made white bread.
I was so happy.
It came out nice.
More later.
But I can’t stop planning again.

The cake book is open and I am planning some Sour Cream cake.
And I’ll itch until I get to bake it.
I know.
Argh.

This *must* be addiction.

There are so many things I want.
So, I’m taking a break from the baking to list it. Maybe next year I will check my list and see what I got (this is not a gimme…I remember in 2004/2005 I wrote a list on paper. A year or so later I found it and was happy to note I’d got a lot of the stuff…stuff even included “being able to eat more than just chicken and cucumbers”. It wasn’t all material).

• Money
• A job (well, I want the money more than the job but I need a job to get money, right? Also, I need to do more with my time so a job could work)
• EDIT: A new lens for my camera – 50mm f/1.4 or something so
• EDIT: A tripod
• a new phone!!! (man! do i really need one? not really but who cares! I *want*)
• ASUS eeePC
• A new laptop! (Well, more than I want a new laptop, I just wish I could upgrade my current laptop. I wish I could put more RAM in it and that the processor could be upgraded. I mean I don’t know how people go about disposing of laptops/computers. I had the dilemma a couple years ago with the Dell that just wouldn’t die but was crawling and I wanted to take a hammer to it…because an old computer…is old but if it’s still working how can I get rid of it? So, if I did get a new laptop, what would I do with my old one? I don’t know. And mine still works…it’s just…you know slow…
• New tools for the kitchen (mostly scales and thermometers. I’m sure there are other things I need but this would be a start).
• My own house (yes, I’ve always dreamed of owning my own house and land. Not working doesn’t really help this along. And writing the balance of the payment for hajj is going to seriously deplete my funds…hence money at the top of the list…and the wishlist so that I can get out of my system all the things I want but can’t afford and won’t get).
• Someone to buy some of my books (I’m weeding through…getting rid of some…figuring out what to do with the others…)
• Lose weight
• Stop taking all my pills…ie get better
• Grow juicy red tomatoes

I know there’s more.
But I’ve forgotten.
Maybe I should’ve made this a page and update it as time goes on.
I’ll think about that. It can always be a page, later…or something, right?

I’m not sure why.
Opening up my computer has just felt like too much work.
Maybe it has something to do with my minor sleeping problems.
Or spending so much time on Arabic…it’s not as if I have a lot to do.

I’m a tad bit worried.
My year break is more than half-way through and I still have no clue what to do with myself. I guess I’ll eventually figure it out. I miss having an income. I should start back cooking…*sigh*

Both my sisters need new laptops…and I get to vet them.
This is not good for me. It gets me drooling. I don’t need or really want a new laptop…but my powerbook is now over 3 years old so I love looking.
Thankfully I have no money (although I did buy this powerbook when I had no real job)…
But also, I’m not a multi-computer person…especially unemployed. I don’t really have time to spend on more than one machine. I wish I did…but maybe I can’t multi-task? Or maybe I just don’t have a need yet. It feels like cheating.

There were all these projects and learning things I wanted to do but haven’t even gotten around to them. It feels almost like wasted time…except full-on babysitting that happened end of last year…

Well my year’s not done. I can do more than learn arabic.
I should make a long list and start doing…and check things off as I go.

Well, maybe not a *long* list…

I want to feel accomplished…

Hehehe!
I just activated the Arabic keyboard.
I wonder how this comes out.

Anywayz, tho I know lots of Arabic now (HAHAHAHA…yeah right)…I’m not sure I can write a whole blog post in it…so laterz…

I AM STILL ALIVE!

:-)

I’m sure there is some way to get Arabic installed and usable by me on the ASUS. I’m sure my brother knows…but for now…who cares.

I start Arabic classes tomorrow.
Three days a week.
I missed orientation on Sunday (because I didn’t know). Hopefully they didn’t start anything. My brother went through more than 10 pages of the text with me. Do I remember anything? Well, the words I knew before and Maaah hatha? (What is it?) and Man hatha? (Who is it?). But we shall persevere.

I need to unearth notebooks.

Wish me luck.
I hope nobody laughs at me.
I feel so inadequate.
Inferior.

And all the grandchildren will be in the masjid!
Won’t my parents be happy!

Eid Mubarak!

Chennette will even be here so FULL HOUSE! (she will be missing the salaah/prayer but will get here still in the morning).

Full House? Okay…my brother-in-law isn’t here but … two grandparents, four children, one spouse (should be two), three grandchildren.

Oh my oh my.

And we bought niece a penguin.
It may be sleeping with her at the moment.
It’s rather big.
I should read dimensions better on amazon…

And not much cooking going on…we’re tired.
It’s the Eid of sacrifice so…sacrifice happening…

and i need to sleeeeep!